I'm still waiting for the hubs, and I'm done scratching off the items in my TO DO list for tonight and so I'm back to blogging because I'm once again drawn to the couch because of American Idol. Im not YouTubing this time though.
So you bet, I'm here again! But this time with a little bit of public service.
I feel compelled to talk about this because I came across it on the internet. Plus, I went upstairs and saw the little toy baby block perpetually sitting on the corner of my dresser, constantly reminding me of my little angel Cody. The son I lost four years ago.
I will feel guilty if I say that I'm no longer grieving, but my heart is no longer crying. I've been blessed to finally be able to move on, although sometimes I ask myself, have I really moved on? Or I'm just convincing myself. But I must have done a pretty good job convincing myself, because life is in fact going on. The grief that used to come in waves come in tiny ripples now. Maybe because time is helping me accept it, and helped to heal my heart. I'm not exactly over it, but I've come to terms with it. Oh, I am going around in circles! What I'm saying is...losing my baby left a chip on my shoulder, but the happy relationship I share with the hubs is preventing my heart from being stuck deep in sadness. You now what I'm saying?
Perhaps now, the only thing I keep thinking about is the question of what I did wrong, even if everyone else is saying that losing a baby if you know that you've actually done your best makes you really faultless in every way. I used to think, is it something I did or ate or taken?
I'd like to think that I've done my best. So I rest in that thought. Maybe. Oh, the heart of a woman is an ocean of secrets.. Yes, I admit, I am still blaming myself. Maybe I didn't care of my baby enough. Or take care of myself enough. I guess, I will carry that burden for a long, long time.
If anyone of you are like me. I wish you well. I wish you peace and freedom. Because that's what I wish for myself, every time I see that light blue baby block on the corner of my dresser.
And my public service for tonight is on topamax and pregnancy because I found out that some may suffer topamax birth defects .
I am not a victim but I know that there are women who are, and they can actually seek help and legal assistance for topamax lawsuits . Every little thing matters. Go for it.
Everyone wrong needs to be right. Everything lost, needs to be gotten back. Every little baby deserves a chance.
I hope I have another one of those chances.
You too.
dd
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So you bet, I'm here again! But this time with a little bit of public service.
I feel compelled to talk about this because I came across it on the internet. Plus, I went upstairs and saw the little toy baby block perpetually sitting on the corner of my dresser, constantly reminding me of my little angel Cody. The son I lost four years ago.
I will feel guilty if I say that I'm no longer grieving, but my heart is no longer crying. I've been blessed to finally be able to move on, although sometimes I ask myself, have I really moved on? Or I'm just convincing myself. But I must have done a pretty good job convincing myself, because life is in fact going on. The grief that used to come in waves come in tiny ripples now. Maybe because time is helping me accept it, and helped to heal my heart. I'm not exactly over it, but I've come to terms with it. Oh, I am going around in circles! What I'm saying is...losing my baby left a chip on my shoulder, but the happy relationship I share with the hubs is preventing my heart from being stuck deep in sadness. You now what I'm saying?
Perhaps now, the only thing I keep thinking about is the question of what I did wrong, even if everyone else is saying that losing a baby if you know that you've actually done your best makes you really faultless in every way. I used to think, is it something I did or ate or taken?
I'd like to think that I've done my best. So I rest in that thought. Maybe. Oh, the heart of a woman is an ocean of secrets.. Yes, I admit, I am still blaming myself. Maybe I didn't care of my baby enough. Or take care of myself enough. I guess, I will carry that burden for a long, long time.
If anyone of you are like me. I wish you well. I wish you peace and freedom. Because that's what I wish for myself, every time I see that light blue baby block on the corner of my dresser.
And my public service for tonight is on topamax and pregnancy because I found out that some may suffer topamax birth defects .
I am not a victim but I know that there are women who are, and they can actually seek help and legal assistance for topamax lawsuits . Every little thing matters. Go for it.
Everyone wrong needs to be right. Everything lost, needs to be gotten back. Every little baby deserves a chance.
I hope I have another one of those chances.
You too.
dd
Share
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